Mental Wellbeing – Beware of Gaslighting its poisonous to your mental health
Gaslighting
I will use this blog to explain gaslighting and how it is poisonous to your mental health and therefore mental wellbeing. It’s such an insidious form of manipulation that it usually isn’t until after the relationship is over that you realise you’ve been gaslit. But by then you’re a gibbering wreck of insecurities, completely undermined and unpicked and it takes a hell of a lot of work to glue yourself back to wellness.
Thank god it’s not me
When you leave a job or relationship it’s natural to take some of the blame or responsibility for the ending. However, when you are being gaslighted the blame is entirely upon the other person, they forced the ending with their negative behaviour. And usually, only with hindsight can you realise the problem was all theirs, which brings a measure of sweet release and relief.
And it won’t be just you
The gaslighter won’t just be inflicting their insidious twisted behaviour on you, this is their communication style. Their modus operandi for stealing energies to backfill the enormous hole in their self-esteem. They may be aware that this is how they behave but it is unlikely unless they are a psychopath.
What is gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes you doubt your own sanity by challenging your memories and perceptions of situations. The gaslighter will happily persistently lie, contradict and confuse you in order to unhinge you.
When you’re dealing with a pro gaslighter you can expect them to go as far as denying that previous abuse took place or setting up disorienting events to undermine you. Basically, it’s like becoming a puppet on strings…
History of gaslighting
Gaslighting as a terms has its origins in theatre, it made its debut in Patrick Hamilton’s play Gaslight in 1938. But it has been subsequently used in clinical research and is now a recognised behaviour.
Few are exempt from gaslighting
Even with my thirty five years experience of personal therapy, psychic intuition and high levels of emotional intelligence I still got got. Why? Because I just didn’t expect someone to behave this way. And more of us don’t, especially when we’re all over thirty!
Susceptibility to gaslighting
However, I found myself in this particular frying pan because I had just jumped from another and my confidence and mental health was rock bottom. 2017 saw me attempting to return to full-time employment, no mean feat after years of self-employment, children and a plethora of enduring health problems – an annus horribilis on the work front…or should that just read, horrible anus!
Gaslighters feed on vulnerability
Being the direct and responsible individual I am, I was naïvely open about my newly acquired confidence wound. Vulnerability is manna from heaven to this type of devil’s spawn, they seek it and feed on the energy from it.
Constant Undermining
And so began a 4 month torture trip, which was predominantly played out in an open plan office! I received daily servings of humiliation in the forms of misinformation, misguidance and withheld information.
The ensuing chaos I found myself drowning in was met with patronising sarcasm about my questionable abilities. My successes were belittled, everything I set up for my clients became ‘too difficult’ and was poorly executed upon handover but blamed on me. All this took place under an uncomfortable smoke screen of bonhomie, whilst I was being covertly slayed to pieces to my boss.
I thought it was me
I knew something was wrong, but it was all so insidious. And having just come from my first bad experience in work, I began to believe it was me.
I started thinking I was no longer fit to work, the combination of motherhood and my health problems had pulled the plug on my intelligence and rendered me useless. I went home every night feeling terrible and mystified that I could have become so inadequate.
Emotional breakdown
At times it was so bad it was laughable, I even cried in two of my monthly reviews??!!! I am not a public crier and certainly not one for tears at work. And, it completely ruined my relationship with my boss, whom I’d known for years and worked well with and for in previous years. He simply didn’t believe it was happening and that my poor performance was entirely my fault.
I had to quit
I lasted 4 months before I allowed myself to quit. My physical health and wellbeing deteriorated to the point where I developed shingles, on top of my pre-existing health conditions. Plus, the feelings of dread I was experiencing whenever I had to share air space with this cretin, meant the situation went beyond viable. I felt I had no choice but to quit for the sake of my wellbeing.
Feeling like a failure
In my mind I was horrified, feeling that I’d failed again, it was all my fault. I beat myself black and blue, not appreciating that I could never have succeeded against such a twisted foe.
My gaslighting experience
I’d never heard of gaslighting, until a former colleague and friend pointed it out to me after I’d just left the position I shouldn’t have had to leave.
He too had worked in this organisation, experiencing this individual’s debasing management style for a number of years, in which time it had eroded his work confidence to that of a mere pinhead.
Freedom from the shackles of misery, brought with it the wisdom of that annoying fellow, hindsight, which he passed onto me. And thank god he did because my mental wellbeing was trashed up until that point, I thought it was me!
Long road to recovery
I’d love to say that this enlightenment brought happiness and the immediate restoration of both our self esteems, but in truth a full recovery took a long time for both of us. It’s has certainly put me off working for anyone else again! And that is to be expected, if you’ve been subjected to this evil phenomena.
Gaslighting warning
So folks, watch out for this dangerous, confidence and wellbeing quick sand, in both your workplace and love life. Yes there are twisted psychos that will attempt to pull this off in relationships.
Trust your gut instincts and get out at the slightest whiff of this kind of underhand, manipulative behaviour before you start taking it on and into your energy. There is next to no chance that this snake will be caught and beaten, it’s the nature of this psycho!
Next steps
If you are paying the heavy wellbeing price of being gaslighted, I recommend experiencing my 360 Bespoke Wellbeing consultation where I will be able to chart all of your damage and treat you back to holistic wellbeing. The starting point will be reversing the poisonous effects of gaslighting on your mental health.
