The Christmas Elephant
The perfect time, as Christmas rushes towards us with all its bright lights and nostalgia, to write about this very old and often, rotten chestnut!
I must confess to feeling a little like one of those naughty Elf dolls, choosing to cover this mahoosive reindeer in the corner.
But that’s perhaps why I got woken by spirit this morning, tugging at me to try and give some of you and I some sweet relief this festive period; my gift to you.
No Happy Ending
This could be one of those blogs where the title appears shocking but by the end I’ve pulled it all round to convey the exact opposite, but hey, I’m not Walt Disney, that’s not my vibe! As per usual, I’ve been inspired to write because of issues in my own personal life, but also because they have chimed with those around me. I choose to see this as a sign….#honestyrules
The Psychological Trauma of Christmas
So, what is the focus for this Christian winter celebration? Its family isn’t it, combined with duty, equals deep psychological, sometimes traumatic, stress.
Halloween is for Family
I do find it remarkable that Halloween, which really is about family in its truest sense, (the correct point in the year to host a party for the lost and living loved ones), doesn’t hold a speck of this pressure in most people’s households.
And, Winter Solstice, a significant astrological wonder, and the real end of the year, is barely acknowledged? #topsyturveyworld #babycomeback
Misplaced Duty
And, why is it that at this particular time of year we feel we must do our duty for people that we otherwise wouldn’t give the time of day to if we weren’t related? What is that?
I am not talking to those that have mutually happy, healthy family relationships. And, they are definitely possible, just everyone has to be on board and of sound psychological status…. A rarity in most cases, and definitely not the case in my broken background. #ultramodernfamily #blendedintheblender
Rainbow of Steps
I have a family of steps, I have one in every colour and possible size, the last couple of generations didn’t take the ’til death do us part’ memo seriously.
And, I promise I am not arguing for that to always be the case, I am not puritanical or a judger, just real about the grass not always being greener. A wise person once told me, where ever you go, there you are!
Chosen Family
But this qualifies me to make my next point, I prefer some of my steps to my own blood relatives! And, just because we don’t share a gene pool, doesn’t make me feel any less close to them, especially when we share long term memories.
Same with friends, there is more in common, more appreciated synchronicity. Indeed, I feel closer to a lot of people I am not related too, my chosen family. And, perhaps it’s because family does breed contempt….
Family Breeds Discontent
What I find fascinating, in myself and others, is the innate belief that because we’re related we need to or should get along. And, if we don’t, then somehow it’s got something to do with ourselves and not the other person?
No Invisible Loyalty Card
Because it’s family, there is this ill placed sense of trust that their coming from a good or the right place, errr no! And, their treatment of you is acceptable, despite that fact that if anyone else treated you this way you’d tell them to shove it?!
There really isn’t a guaranteed, invisible loyalty card linking us. General rule is, the more unpleasant or difficult the individual is, the more toxic they are. #theyvegotissues
Outrageous Behaviour
This weekend, a friend and I were bonding over shared experiences, where our families had behaved in the most outrageous and actually, quite unforgivable ways towards us.
I’m Not Your Monster
The common theme, we were both blameless yet having all this energetic shit channelled our way, which was extremely hurtful and damaging.
Being framed as someone else’s monster is deeply wrong, but happens too often, as people don’t own their own shit.
The players in my repeat control drama are all still very much alive and kicking and it isn’t worth the agro of raking up the details, more pleasant to reside in ambiguity. #blameoverload #hadenough
No Traditional Christmas
I’m fortuitous, in some ways, that having grown up abroad far from family, our Christmases involved family friends. Therefore, they really were a right royal knees up, with plenty of games, booze and Christmas Cake; which I can never get enough of and thus didn’t really need to share.
Having not had to experience the heavy-duty responsibility of being crammed in a space with my relies, means that none of us feel duty bound to perform this custom now. #sowedoitourway #freedom
It’s More than A Day
However, I know a lot of you do and try and justify your energetic sacrifice with the words, it’s just one day a year!
Well kiddo, I’ve got the truth for you, it’s not just one day because let’s add up all the other days and moments you’ve spent dreading your sacrifice.
Set a Good Example
And, if you’ve got sprogs, think of the message your giving them, passing on the baton of hellish misadventure. The post energetic clean-up will also take time too, so don’t forget to factor that in!
Protect Yourself
All moments in life are precious, they’re affecting us, as are our thoughts, constantly, so none should be taken lightly.
Why does nasty Auntie Doris, need to be invited round to poison the atmosphere with her acid tongue? Why does Granddad’s misogyny get tolerated at all? Why is Mum allowed to act like a total drunken martyr? Why should you listen to the pontification, and usually fabrication, of a smaller minded sibling? Why should so and so be allowed to keep everyone hostage to their temper?
Taking Responsibility
All those toxic people could do with some time out, perhaps then they might find the space to take responsibility for some of their behaviour.
And, in the best-case scenario make some modifications before they shift off their mortal coil and have to return again in the next life to learn these valuable lessons of self-ownership. F.Y.I, that’s what happens when you don’t get it! #karma #lifepurpose
A Nurturing Celebration
So, when you’re choosing your Christmas gathering invitees, pick the people that you value you for you, maintain a balanced relationship with you that you both work on, that feel easy and make you happy. Quit with the antiquated duty, it’ll serve everyone for the best.
