Physical Wellbeing – My overactive Bladder treatments
I’ve suffered with an overactive bladder all of my life, here I blog about some of the more recent bladder treatments I’ve tried to improve my physical wellbeing. For as those with similarly appalling bladders will know, this problems is a menace on your mental wellbeing as well as physical!
Hypermobility ehlers danlos syndrome (hEDS)
If you too are lucky enough to have hEDS then you can expect to have bladder incontinence, in fact incontinence all round. They’ll tell you there not exactly sure why, I now know why I’ve got it and it’s not what I had been expecting, which I’ve written about in another blog, Physical Wellbeing – What is histamine intolerance and what damage can it do?
Breaking taboo
Ha, this blog has taken its time to arrive because I’ve been percolating the embarrassment of having had to learn this new skill! I know, how shocking and taboo to even bring this up publicly! Can you face reading on? Will I really share this most intimate experience?
A new bottom
I’m not sure where my line is drawn in being a writer, I know it may appear very low down to you. My caveat is that I write, as I say, to purge and amuse, but on a deeper level to go ‘first’ as it were and share with you the trials and tribunes I traverse in my life so if you come a cropper you can think…she did it and survived…so I will too. I do genuinely find my tortured journey through this life time entertaining, often because I can’t believe I’ve found a new bottom…no pun intended!
Completely socially exposed
The fact that this will appear on my LinkedIn page is of some consequence, I am not sure I am totally ok with that. If I do ever find another employer, which I hope to do, they will be able to find out so much about me it will almost negate the need to interview…in fact there is a chance they will be put off…uh oh….though then they’re not the employer for me.
Training of a different kind
Here goes….
The day before I turned 34…hmmmm really 43, I like to transpose the numbers now old age is advancing like a viking invasion!, I was given an appointment for a training session in self-catheterisation.
Yup, such a thing really exists – my latest new base! As someone whose been mainly self-employed for the last 10 years, I am always keen to get free training whenever it’s on offer. This, as you can imagine, was not what I had in mind…be careful what you wish for!
Botox bladder
Why the fuck would I put myself through this horrendous indignity???? Well, it turns out that the only treatment for my ridiculously minute and irritated bladder is giving it a Botox injection…Thus you may surmise, that whilst my forehead may be sagging, my bladder will be smooth and sprightly!
Withered prune
The less invasive treatments, which of course I had to try in order to qualify for this, include pills to ‘dry’ you out…literally…I watched myself become Winter’s Hag in a matter of weeks, and in my ‘raisiness’ my constipation reached epic proportions and so the leaching of my vitality had to be stopped…thank god! Living in Today’s superficial society, means my face needs to be peachy not withered if I am to feel attractive!
Self-catheterisation
FYI, in the case of a Botox injection to this area, one must know how to self-catheterise incase the bladder gets stunned to the point of not being able to operate itself properly. It’s a safety precaution…..
Handbag denial
Hopefully that won’t come to bear as the required kit won’t fit in my current handbag and I’ve only just down sized because I’m pretending my children don’t require me to carry the ‘kitchen sink’ every time we go out.
Hospital groupee
And so, I found myself again in one of my regular hospitals, I seem too frequent on a weekly basis at the moment, full of dread for my impending humiliation.
Old before my time
My fellow trainees and I, all of whom were of course in their 70s, don’t worry we all went in one by one. This was not group training….ewww vile concept?!, We tried to put our brave faces on whilst lightly conversing about the weather….How very in the spirit of wartime Britain it was!
Tasteless goody bag
When my time came, two lovely nurses welcomed me in with wide smiles and did their best to put me at ease. I was immediately gifted with a smart ‘goody’ bag of different catheters, which they proceeded to go through, demonstrating each item and listing its virtues?! A sort of gruesome Anne Summers party I didn’t want to be at!
Instrument of torture
I was told to select one, which I would then have to insert under their professional gazes…nice….I chose the one that was the shortest and thinnest, why wouldn’t you? Was told to ‘pop’ behind the curtain to remove my pants, I’d worn a dress to maximise the little modesty I had left and recommend you do the same, and give Myself a little ‘wipe’….classy! I can’t blame them though, what a job!!
Vaginal rebuild
I was then presented with a mirror from my gift bag so I could identify which hole to insert this gadget…I thought I knew where all my bits were, which impressed the nurses as apparently a lot of us don’t?! It turned out I didn’t because my recent surgical vaginal repacking had put everything back into a slightly different place…who knew?
Everything’s moved
No one had warned me of that consequential geographic shift during the lengthy pre-op check….a shitty oversight.
Public reveal
And, I found myself more upset than I would have believed, with the added joy of a rather public enlightenment, so be warned. I fell into a quick mourning process right there on the table with legs akimbo and mirror reflecting the new environs…Should have asked my Husband…;-) In fact, why didn’t he mention it????
The cock I’d always wanted
It was a success and I was immensely impressed at the ease and painlessness of making it happen. Having always wanted to pee like a boy, my Father has photographic evidence – tasteful, I suddenly discovered a way I could…every cloud! A whole new World opened up to me in the midst of the degradation….One of my new catheters even has a bag on the end so I can use it when driving….yay hay.
Toilet game changer
To someone whose life has been largely shaped by accessibility to the toilets of this World, this was a major game changer! I left with a wholly unanticipated smile on my face. Of course I am not choosing to focus on the high risk of infection this act carries….regular use can take 7 years off your life expectancy from all the infections…aren’t I just full of interesting useful facts…
A different kind of birthday present
Another unexpected and rather disappointing surprise, was being harassed all day on my actual birthday by delivery texts! I can’t express enough how excited I was in anticipation of these two mysterious but clearly important packages, judging by the amount of updates I received on their delivery status.
To them be completely deflated by their reality…One was for a couple of boxes of my chosen catheters and one for another vagina mirror?! WTF, was one mirror not enough? And neither is handbag size! Happy Birthday to Me!! 43 and that’s what I get?! As my Step-Mother joked, ‘What will you get when you’re 80?’
Next steps
I know, is there really an opportunity for a next step after a blog like that?! But yes, there always is…Because there are lots of natural ways to treat an overactive bladder and restore mental and physical wellbeing. I recommend you come and see me for a 360 Bespoke Wellbeing Consultation and let me work out what’s creating your bladder problems and which natural treatments can restore your wellbeing.
I will be using a combination of vitamin therapy, essential oils and herbs to treat you.
